I decided to take a couple of hours off of school work to do some "green" exploring. theres this one street by my school that has a lot of facinating stores. i always pass them by on the bus. so i decided today to get off early and check of few of these places. the first place was mehera shaws. im really happy i stopped there. i've been looking for an organic and fair-trade clothing store. the stuff there is a bit expernsive, but thats how it is until organic is used more and gets cheaper. the next day i go to another green store that was great. it had electric scooters, bio-degradable utincils, bamboo towels and many more. the two next big "green" things im going to buy is a solar charger and bamboo towels. its been a slow process to changing things over to more efficient and healthier ways of living. my family has learned to accept it. its not like im a bratty kid whining about buying a new pair of shoes or something. these things benefit many people and the planet.
it gets a bit tiring having so many people try to rip my "green" stance. i would never tear at someones belief unless it was seriously harming others. is it so hard to be accepting? do they really get anything out of it? does it make them feel better? i dont shove this in their faces and call them horrible people. if they ask then i will explain my view and nothing else. some people just dont want to change and thats what i stand for. people dont want to change how they live. maybe they think if they admit it then they have to pay a high price as retribution. its really not that hard. it just takes a little extra thinking to get around it. it olny becomes a big deal because they make it into one. why is it so hard for people in this time to take responsibility.

been back from ireland for 8 months already. missing it hits me at the oddest times. what i miss the most is the freedom i had. i was so much easier to get arond the area and to other countries. its hard to get around the states. public transportation is not great for long distances. my new goal since i got back is to be more green, so im trying to drive around less. i miss have a play of nature close by. someplace that isnt manicured to human specificity. hell, i miss being able to travel around. right now all it is is school and work. right now thats ok since i need the time to root myself... but my feet are getting itchy. i really hope i get the teaching camp this summer in japan. it wont be till another month before i find out. what im really looking forward to is next winter. for my gratuation present i get to go to laos and thailand for a few weeks.

on another side note, been reading up on green living. for anyone looking for a good 'green' book with different levels of participation look at "Green, Greener, Greenest". it gives very good details without overwelming and has good references. then for specific projects look at "The Green Year". it gives small things to do that can make a big difference. already have a few projects going on in the house. my family is getting a bit annoyed, but they cant really do anything about it. its not purely selfish and im paying for a good portion of it myself. but its an uphill battle. they want it to be easy and cheap. i find it easy, but thats just my mindset. i have more time to think about these things. well, i also care about them more. im going to make them all a bit more green even if i have to drag them there.

how can you remember the touch a person's hand youve never met? the way he smells and tastes? the emotions in his eyes when he looks at you? that love? how can i miss him so much? i see him in my dreams and hes also in the back of my mind every waking moment. ive tried everythning to figure out what it means. even ways to push it away. everything seems to point to my mate, from a past life. im not sure if i can trust that, but i want to so bad. it feels like a cop-out to why i cant get a guy now. but how can i with this engraved into me? is it just my imagination going wild? but nothing else feels this real. even if he was real im not sure i want to know. did we do something wrong that we dont deserve each other again. maybe its the cosmic order or something. its probably not fair that i found something so great to have it every life whiles others are still looking. i feel like im loosing my mind sometimes.

sorry, thats been bothering me for a long time. just had to get some of it out, even if it is only in writing

by give back to it. grow a plant, recycle, teach others to be thoughtful. dont waste energy that you dont need. use the stairs instead of the elevator (unless you need to). use recyclable goods. have 'bags for life' to use at the store. there is so much we can do. every little bit helps

what first pops into mind is my judo class. not only did it teach great self-defence, but balance. with other people and myself. it gave my a different sort of confidence and a purpose to teach the same to others

my constant movement. be it moving to another town or over seas. its taught me how to adapt and go with the flow. i've seen so many points of views and ways of life. its not really one moment but most of my life

the way my emotions work. by hearing everyone elses around me mine seem to be a bit different. they may run strong but i dont always show them on the outside. that i dont seem to have the need like most of my friends to express them in words all the time. mine come out in actions and are more private.

At first i was looking for scholarships to help pay for college. Deep down I was looking for people of like mind who I can discuss ideas with. I got that and so much more. I've met so many great people and bettered myself at a faster rate than before.

Im having a small crisis right now. was working on essays for school and it hit me: "do i really want to be doing this for life?" Im not really sure if i want a career in the major im going for. Dont really know if i could be happy with that life. History and archaeology are very interesting to my, but am i passionate about it? Then i start thinking about things i am passionate about and careers that pertain to them. Could i be a photographer or travel writer? Not sure how to go about finding out. do i try to find an internship with a photographer? Send in samples of my writng? How fast should i make these changes? SHould i even finish school? I most likely will finish school. hate to leave things undone. Also it will give me something to fall back on. I'll have to think this through with my head and heart.

Just needed to clear this out of my head.

i would be a bit sad that i would not be able to go back home. but im a bit of a gypsy. i love to travel. i know i can live in a place where i dont know anyone and love it. benn doinb that for the pas three months. there so many places to choose from; ireland, scotland, norway, japan, peru, thailand, new zealand, hawaii. the posibilities are endless.

home is whereever you are. its whats inside that counts, its all you really need.