Is it real?

how can you remember the touch a person's hand youve never met? the way he smells and tastes? the emotions in his eyes when he looks at you? that love? how can i miss him so much? i see him in my dreams and hes also in the back of my mind every waking moment. ive tried everythning to figure out what it means. even ways to push it away. everything seems to point to my mate, from a past life. im not sure if i can trust that, but i want to so bad. it feels like a cop-out to why i cant get a guy now. but how can i with this engraved into me? is it just my imagination going wild? but nothing else feels this real. even if he was real im not sure i want to know. did we do something wrong that we dont deserve each other again. maybe its the cosmic order or something. its probably not fair that i found something so great to have it every life whiles others are still looking. i feel like im loosing my mind sometimes.

sorry, thats been bothering me for a long time. just had to get some of it out, even if it is only in writing